Vanessa’s Blog

So. How many of you are super-psyched for the Sex and the City movie?

I am!

Luckily, Cosmo is giving me reason to dish about SATC with this dating advice from the HBO hit article.

Awesome.

I’ve extracted a promise from Tim to see the movie this weekend, which I am supremely excited about.

Anyone else seeing the movie this weekend?

Anyway, I will admit some of the tips Cosmo gives are a little… easy to figure out on your own. “Date against your type”? Duh. “Don’t ignore the warning signs”? Obviously.

Still, there are kernels of truth in the article, and sometimes we all need to be told the obvious.

In that respect, the article is flawless.

Apparently, there are reasons members of the opposite sex drive people a little bit cuckoo pants.

1. Women love to cuddle
It’s true. I do. But I have yet to encounter a time where this caused real friction in our relationship. Whenever I want cuddling, I usually just lay down the law. Besides, savvy women women know how to pick their battles and get men to do stuff for them anyway. To illustrate my point, a scene from That 70s Show, which I couldn’t find on YouTube.

That 70s Show: “The Acid Queen”

Scene 7
Forman’s kitchen:

(Jackie and Kitty are sitting at the table talking over brownies and coffee.)

Jackie: What is wrong with Steven? I mean why won’t he just say that Brooke’s not hot?

Kitty: Because he doesn’t know how to lie. He’s an orphan; he never had a mother to teach him how.

Jackie: I mean, how do I know he loves me if he doesn’t obey me?

Kitty: Well, you’ve chosen a strong man, Jackie and they don’t always obey. Now, do I think he should have said that other girl wasn’t pretty, yes, but you have to pick your battles.

Jackie: Wait, no, I wanna be right all the time.

Kitty: And you will be. After a few years they just, they give up. (Red walks through the dining room door and heads for the fridge.) Okay, watch. (Red opens a beer and begins to walk out.) Red, could you go to the drug store and get me a Ladies Home Journal?

Red: But I just… (He points to the can.) It’s all frosty. (Kitty gives him a pleading look.) Aw Crap! (He puts the beer on the counter and runs out to the driveway. Jackie and Kitty clink cups.)

<...>

Scene 9
Forman’s living room:

(Kitty and Hyde are sitting on the couch. Hyde is eating ice-cream. Jackie walks in.)

Jackie: Okay Steven, I think I figured out a way to end this situation where everybody wins. Now, listen to this question carefully. Is there anyone you said was hot - like Brooke, who you really don’t think is hot - like Brooke?

Hyde: Well I could lie and say yes.

Jackie: Then do it. I don’t care of you don’t mean it; it’s the words that count.

Hyde: Jackie, I’m not gonna lie.

Jackie: Fine. (Sits on the arm chair.) Then y’know what, I don’t know how to fix this.

(Kitty starts to hum under her breath and whisper ‘pick you battles.’ Jackie looks at her.)

Jackie: Fine. Steven, I don’t care if you think she’s hot, because that’s how you really feel.

Hyde: Thank you.

Jackie: Hey Steven, will you go to the drug store and get me a Vogue magazine?

Hyde: But I just… (He looks down at his ice-cream.) It’s gonna melt. (Jackie looks at him, pouting.) Crap! (He slams the ice-cream on the table and walks out the front door. Jackie and Kitty smile and Jackie grabs his ice-cream.)

4. Men are impervious to cold.

Unless that man is from Florida, while the woman is from Canada.

And that’s all she wrote.

Well, Tim and I had a great weekend, and I hope everyone else did too.

Saturday, we went all over Greenville, trying to pick up last-minute things for the wedding, as well as some stuff to wear on the honeymoon.

First, we hit up Steve and Barry’s, where Tim picked up a pair of shorts, a T-shirt and a nice button-down shirt, ostensibly for the honeymoon. (Yet, it was worn the next day when we went to New Bern. He’s a shiester, that one.)

Next, we went to Michael’s. Now, I used to work at Michael’s (for a whole month!) before I came to The Free Press last September. Just the smell of that place is enough to bring back to tedium of working long, retail hours standing on concrete floors and trying to put the store back together after shoppers hunting for bargains tore everything apart. (Can you tell I worked retail for a long time?) Anyway, we hunted around and found almost everything we were looking for. We got ceremony programs and reception place cards that match our invitations. We also picked up a nice pen, so people can sign the guestbook we haven’t picked up yet. Tim also grabbed a few museum frames to serve as table signs. Their low profile won’t interfere with the centerpieces Michael designed.

We then had to do the Long, Hard Walk passed the puppies the Pitt County SPCA and a beagle rescue group set up in front of PetSmart. This was especially difficult for me, who would love to get a puppy right now. Not yet, Tim keeps telling me, and he’s right. But we headed over to GameStop so Tim could get a gift card for Dave as a “thanks” for being a groomsman.

Another walk through Puppy Purgatory, and we were back in the car.

We drove over to Che Bella, a small boutique, but got sidetracked first by Old Navy. I picked up a swim suit and pair of hiking shorts, while Tim netted a pair of linen shorts and a pair of linen pants. He made out like a bandit this weekend.

Finally, to Che Bella, where I bought Tim’s sister Cayla, one of my bridesmaids, her “thank you.” Mine are now all done.

We headed over to Wal-Mart after that to see if we couldn’t get the museum frames for cheaper. (We could.) So, back to Michael’s to return their frames.

Then, finally, home.

Sunday we went to New Bern, and it was awesome. Deserted, but awesome. Monday we cleaned our apartment. It looks great now.

But, we didn’t get the programs or place cards assembled. I guess that’s this week’s chore. Plus, we need to pick up our guestbook, and possibly toasting flutes and cake servers. Tim’s on the fence about the latter two, though.

I was talking to this Dr. Barnes today on a completely unrelated matter when he told me he writes a column.

“Oh, really?” I said. “Send me them.”

Lo and behold, he e-mailed me a really interesting one that pertains to this blog. It’s his work, not mine.

How to Avoid a Divorce

Jonathan Barnes, Ph.D.

The fairy tales we all learned as children tell of the gallant prince who finds or rescues a beautiful maiden. These stories always close with a jubilant wedding ceremony or the enamored couple riding off in to the sunset. Their entire life together is summarized by the closing comment: “and they lived happily ever after.”

When problems appear, and they will: don’t sulk, threaten, or get even. Instead fight for your marriage.

I have to agree with a lot of what the good doctor says. Though he’s talking about divorce and ways to avoid it, doing these things anyway seem like a good way to prevent your marriage from going down the drain in the first place.

Marriage isn’t always fun or easy. It can be hard work, but I’m kind of hoping it’s worth it anyway. If it wasn’t, people wouldn’t do it.

Right?

An interesting trend when marriage goes bad.

I hope it’s never something I have to think about - divorce, custody battles, alimony - any of it.

(Not that I’d pay alimony anyway; I didn’t become a journalist for the money.)

But on the subject of equality, it makes me wonder if this kind of gender equality is what feminists had in mind.

Probably not.

Here’s what The Knot’s checklist gizmo says Tim and I are late on getting finished:

• Grooms: Buy gifts for your best man, groomsmen, and ushers.
• Buy a guest book (and a nice pen).
• Finish and print ceremony programs.
• Make sure your homeowner’s or renter’s insurance covers your rings and gifts.
• Discuss music with ceremony musicians and agree on final choices.
• Confirm wedding-night and honeymoon reservations.
• Wrap all gifts for the wedding party and write each attendant a nice note.

So, this weekend is wedding wrap-up weekend. Well, or as much as we can get finished in three days.

Most of it is fairly easy, and we’ve even got some parts of it done. For example, I’ve bought on maid of honour and my friend who is doing a reading gifts, and they’re even wrapped. I just need to buy my bridesmaid one and get on writing the thank you notes.

We’ve only gotten gifts from two of my aunts so far, but it would probably be a good idea for me to write them each a “thank you.” Quite frankly, it’ll be two less that I have to do when we get back from the honeymoon.

So, I think we’ll be hitting up Michael’s to get program and place card material and Wal-Mart to get frames that will hold the table names. I really hope we can knock some of this stuff out.

Wish us luck.

It’s kind of funny how many superstitions and traditions have arisen out of marriage. From veils and white dresses to something old, new, borrowed and blue there are plenty of dos and don’ts to “ensure” yourself a perfect marriage.

I wouldn’t consider myself all that superstitious, and I don’t think Tim does either. So, we’ve decided to keep some traditions and do away with others.

For example, though I will be wearing a veil, it won’t be covering my face. Instead, it will attached under my “bun.” While veils in the traditional sense denote a woman’s subordination to man, that meaning didn’t seem to jump the pond, as it were, when it came to the States.

The dress will be white. So there. And that’s all I’ll say about that.

As for old, new, borrowed and blue, I’m trying to incorporate these. My dress, of course, is new. I’m borrowing a brooch from my dad’s mum to pin to my sash, which, of course, will be borrowed. It’s also relatively old, so it may qualify for that. I have a couple of ideas for blue… So hopefully I’ll be able to pull that off.

As for the “it’s bad luck for the bride and groom to see each other before the wedding, arghhh!” nonsense, Tim and I don’t particularly care for that. I don’t think. As far as I know, we’re doing some photos before the ceremony. Though, come to think of it, I guess we don’t have to do photos with us before then. Still, I think we are.

This is a pretty interesting Web site about wedding traditions. It also has explanations about the traditions for engagements, parties and all sorts of wedding-related shenanigans.

Tim and I were watching TV last night when what we thought was a sweet, wedding-related advertisement came on. It showed a woman getting her makeup done, her hair done, hugging her mum… It all seemed like she was getting married, but then - a twist! - it’s her mum.

Aww…

Until — the screen goes dark and the words “Depends Adult Diapers” flash across it.

WTF?!

I wish I could find the ad, but so far, no luck.

It was just such a bizarre way to advertise that product, but I guess it did stick in my head. Still, I think the weirdness factor is way to high for it to be effective. Though, people in the age bracket to potentially need Depends might disagree.

Who knows.

Apparently, the dream of buying the wedding you’d planned on since you were a little girl isn’t as recession proof as people once thought.

Men and women are being forced to confront the reality that maybe spending the equivalent of a nice car on one day isn’t such a great idea with the dollar tanking, job secuirty evaporating and the economy slinking lower and lower each day.

It would be hard, though, to have “the dream” crushed by something as mundane as, oh, the real world. Even so, it would be hard to give up something you’d thought about since you were a kid just because of some questionable activity by banks, the lending industry and big oil.

Maybe this will force people to realize that it isn’t the wedding that matters; it’s the marriage.

I doubt it though.

Still, I have to wonder at that woman from Tarboro who bought her dress - at a discount - in Manhattan; with the price of gas/ air fare factored in, was it really any cheaper?

Tim and I got our marriage license Wednesday.

That’s right: According to the state of North Carolina, we are allowed to get married - if the officiant and two witnesses sign two sheets of paper, and we send them both back to the Register of Deeds in Wake County.

It was a minor adventure.

Before we go, I head onto the internet and find out what I need to bring: proof of my Social Security number (either a card, W-2 or paystub) and a state-issued photo I.D. I make sure I have my S.S. card and my driver’s license. Tim, on the other hand, brings his driver’s license and a colour copy of his S.S. card.

Make note of that. It becomes important later.

So, we take my Civic and drive downtown. The directions were a little… sketchy… but we got there anyway. The parking garage was PACKED. We finally found a spot way up on the top floor.

We take the world’s most dubious elevator to the ground floor and exit onto the street… in the wrong direction. We eventually get there and fill out the application. Tim guesses his mum’s middle name is “Natasha.”

Make note of that. It has the potential to become important later.

We get up to the desk, and the clerk asks us for proof of our Social Security number, photo I.D. and $50. I give her what she asks for. Tim gives her his driver’s license and his photocopy, but oh no! They don’t take colour copies of Social Security cards. But they will take a faxed copy of a W-2.

So, Tim gets on the phone to his dad, who thankfully works from home. He eventually found and faxed over the W-2. Hooray!

He tries to phone his mum about her middle name, but she doesn’t get back to us until we’re back in my car, paying for parking. Turns out, she doesn’t have a middle name, but her confirmation name is Natalia.

So close, Timmy. So close.